Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Andrea's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
10:41 pm	Ok everyone I am moving in with Scott. Our lease starts Dec 1rst so I have two weekends to move into the new place since my lease ends the 15th. Time to start packing. It's un upgrade from my current place, it's in downtown Fort Atkinson so it's in a nicer area. The apartment is 12 min away from my current apartment driving the exact speed limit. When we are done moving in everyone is invited to come stop by to visit. I'ts not a big place but certainly a better hangout then where I live right now. It's like a one and a half bedroom and one and a half bath with a dishwasher. I think Scott is a good choice as a roomate we've been pretty close friends for 4.5 years now and we aren't dating or anything. A roomate certainly makes things cheaper as well. Current Mood: busy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 20th, 2006
4:44 pm	Gratz to Kent and Marie their wedding is this weekend. I can't make it, but I sent a card with the boys(I hope it gets there safely) Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 14th, 2006
5:05 am	re: James's fucking stupid Oct 13th post: ::edit Oct 15th:: James has since deleted his post so I did some minor edits of this one. I am still angry though: This is why I broke up with James: 1. Everything we would do and I mean everything would stress him out thus stress me out. Everything that could have been a fun activity became shitty at some point. 2. James has 3 emotions stressed, depressed, and angry. When you grow very close to someone you feel what they feel. I was fucking sick of feeling those things all the time. 3. James would not even try to get along with my boss. He was constantly jealous and bitter and if I only would work 12 hours that whole week if that was the only 12 hours he was free he would throw a fit telling me it's ok that he had to work when I was free but i had to be off when he was free. I still like Dapper Dogs it's good for me to work hard. 4. I would get back from working all day and night call him the second I walked out of work. He sat there yelling at me for a half hour how I work too much not asking about my day or how I was once. He called to say he was sorry and we had dinner. During dinner all he continued to talk about was scheduling. 5. James and I are not sexually compatible in the slightest. I'd say more but my mother reads this. 6. James can never find anything in this world that makes him happy. He wants to fix computers but if you have ever watched him build or fix a computer you would know this would never make him happy. He has 0 patience and starts throwing shit a min or two after a computer problem happens. I've seen him start working on a problem and not 5 min into fixing it punch my metal door as hard as he can. 7. James ignored me for a full semester. Everything else was more important then me even Mc D's. Even when I went into counseling to treat my depression he didn't fucking care or even wanted to talk about it with me. All he ever did when i brought it up was nod. Never a single hug or "I am there for you" 8. James can't problem solve. Anything that comes up he requires a week to think about it and tell me a response. That was just a bit too long. 9. James has extremely low self esteem. It's very hard to respect a person that has no respect for them selves. I did it but he never would believe me his self esteem was that low even though I was with him for 2 years. 10. He never cared to tell me how he really felt about me. He never told me that if I wanted kids he would of done that he never told me he would of wanted to move in with me or how much he wanted to marry me. He never told me I was his reason for living. 11. Every chance I could I told him exactly what was wrong, what needed to be worked on, why I was unhappy, what i needed from him and he never helped me work on any of it. He said yeah things will change but he ignored me completely when it came time to change and do certain things different. i really got sick of hearing all good intentions but seeing lousy actions. There are probably a good 20 more reasons I could come up with and if I see another 'look at me help me look at me cry for drama and attention posts i'll post more of these reasons and get more cruel. Get over me I am a bitch and you can find someone else. You broke my heart a MILLION times before I broke up with you stop acting like such a victim. And just try posting saying anything above is false or exagerated since i've talked with you about ALL of these things and you have admitted most of them to me without me even bringing them up. Even if just one thing above is at all true it would of been a good vaild reason to leave a person I wasn't married to you but I lived with all that shit because I loved you so much so stop fucking saying I never cared enough about you or others. I put up with all that shit and a lot more then what I posted but I am human and I can't take anymore abuse from you or anyone so leave me the fuck alone. ::edit Oct 15th:: Current Mood: pissed off (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 13th, 2006
4:50 pm	nothing at all felt real today. I've been teaching most of the art lessons I feel like I am their art teacher but I am not this is only practice. Monday I teach my own lessons all day long pretty much by myself. Doesn't feel real. So much is at stake I need to try my best and do well and hope this is what I want. It can't be real. I have been working as well with a real job that pays money. It doesn't feel real either so much changes every time I go in. We are talking about being closed mondays not that effects me really. As always I don't spend that money just only to pay bills really. It can't be real. I have a boyfriend but I can't beileve that he's really real either since I don't get to see him much and he seems so seemingly perfect. Can't be real. Every hour of every day I have something planned that's important, I feel like i spent my whole life slacking off till September hit. I could of done so much more with the first 23 years of my life. I could of had more friends, I could of done well in school, i could of worked harder, I could of had a job sooner. I never worked my very best because i could always slack off and still make by just fine sometimes rather well. Dad always knew that, it angered him to know that I could do great things if i wanted to but I never understood why. I still don't understand why really. We run around make money and die. I still find it hard to understand why anyone ever does anything but right now at least I know what it's like to never stop being busy, working my hardest all the time, and what I am capable of. Current Mood: satisfied (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 12th, 2006
12:41 am	I wanted to post an emotion but I feel so many things right now. I am happy to have a handful of good friends and coworkers that care about me. I am glad student teaching is starting to go rather well. 9 weeks is longer then it seems. Printmaking is starting to be stressful but I have nearly all friday to work on it and parts of thursday probably. I am having a wonderful time hanging out with the new boy Tim. He's everything i've ever really wanted in a boy right from the start. I am having troubles beilving it's real since I don't get to see him nearly as much as either of us would want to and i've been disapointed by so very many boys. Every question i expect the worst but get the very best answers. Every action he does I expect the worst but again get the very best. Everything he does suprizes me. He's a very happy clever relaxed sortof person and I hope he never changes the slighest ever from who he is right now. Work is going ok but is stressing me out lately. John is making me put in a lot of hours and I mostly sit around missing my new boy, missing my friends, wishing I had more time to work on printmaking and my lesson plans. If anyone wants to stop by at work I close every friday night stop by around 11 and say Hi. We are never busy till 12:30. I have a cold. I need more sleep. you now have been updated. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
12:49 am	1. Andrea fucked up about something but doesn't want to talk about it right now. 2. Andrea is very happy to have a new boyfriend his name is Tim 3. Andrea needs more sleep 4. Andrea cut back her hours at work and has been promised mon-thurs that she will not work past 11 5. Andrea is very behind with printmaking due to an illness and people not returning the damn key to the locker 6. Student teaching isn't nearly as easy as I thought it would be, and I really think I like teaching middle school the best so far. Yes I am weird. 7. Andrea feels bad about how much money she owes her parents 8. Andrea wishes she could cut back all hours of everything and stay another semester but she can't 9. Andrea is worried she needs a breakbut no time for one 10. Andrea doesn't want to grow up just yet but she just turned 23 :( (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 1st, 2006
4:13 pm	I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed Oh God it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home Sitting all alone inside your head 'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass Don't know how much time has passed All I know is that it feels like forever But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head How do you feel, that is the question But I forget you don't expect an easy answer When something like a soul becomes initialized So while you're outside looking in describing what you see Remember what you're staring at is me Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 30th, 2006
4:23 am	i'll never forget the old boys, but fucken eh new boys kick ass. Current Mood: ecstatic (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 10th, 2006
11:08 pm	Goodbye cruel world see you mid Jan weekdays 8-4 student teaching 6-9 class some nights 9:30-close work some nights weekends - work some nights blar Current Mood: sleepy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
6:15 am	even when our eyes are closed there is a whole world that lives outside ourselves and our dreams -unknown All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher. ~Ambrose Bierce, Epigrams The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows. ~Sydney J. Harris You send your child to the schoolmaster, but 'tis the schoolboys who educate him. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson Science is out of the reach of morals, for her eyes are fixed upon eternal truths. Art is out of the reach of morals, for her eyes are fixed upon things beautiful and immortal and ever-changing. To morals belong the lower and less intellectual spheres. ~Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist, 1891 Fine art is that in which the hand, the head, and the heart of man go together. ~John Ruskin Current Mood: distant (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
7:02 am	(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.) ✓ I miss somebody right now.  (Justin Kellner one of my best friends from highschool I haven't seen or heard from in years and have no way whatsoever to contact. But I don't miss anyone romatic wise atm) ✓ I don't watch much TV these days.  (background noise mmm) × I own lots of books. ✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses. ✓ I love to play video games.  (mostly computer based ones) × I've tried marijuana. × I've watched porn movies.  (movies? not willingly no.) × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (boys that are not just friends? trying to forget I ever had those atm) ✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. ✓ I curse sometimes.  (not when I get angry but some swears sometimes randomly) ✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.  (as with every year) × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. ( it goes on... ) (Comment on this)
5:06 am	If your trying to sell someone your car it might not be a good idea to tell them how much you hate everything about it down to the color and how it never ever runs. After telling them how unhappy your car has made you, do not then try to throw in a lot of free things with the car and beg the person to buy it. Current Mood: busy (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 6th, 2006
4:53 am	busted my ass off at work Sat. night. It was just me and the owner for close so it took forever. It was also really hard to get the food fast with two people during rushes but we did well. John and my co-workers seem to like me a lot and I feel needed. They like that I work hard, do what I am told and make a pretty hotdog quickly. I am dead tired and have $13 in tips in my pocket to show for the past 2 nights. probably have about $100 before taxes comming. Current Mood: exhausted (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 4th, 2006
3:32 am	I got a job at Dapper Dogs, it's a place that just opened up down town on main st. Everyone should eat there they have chicago style hot dogs, chicken, and great mozzerela sticks. They are open until 3 am on bar nights(thurs, fri, sat). I wasn't even supposed to work tonight but instead of raiding I sat around during their off hours playing cards. We had a bright idea of me and Josh, a close friend of the owner to go out to the bars pass out menus and buy people shots. I had a shot of something that tasted like an oatmeal cookie. This guy Ryan that works there is a theatre major Kit tried to get with, that made me feel at home he also works at Walmart with Greg. I think not sure his girlfriend that he lives with is Emily that also works there. :) John is the owner(him and his mom and the bank) he seems cool, he's one of Ralph's friends he met through Whitey and that's how I got the job. I rode home on Josh's motercycle and for the first time since Ozzfest I really feel alive. it was so worth passing up an offical guild raid for it stupid game. Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 30th, 2006
10:18 am	everytime you defend me i feel less alone in this world, not sure if that enough or even what I need. Current Mood: thankful (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 23rd, 2006
2:21 am	ozzfest 06 favorite quote of the day; "I am the Prince of Darkness, ok now time for my nap." System of the Down headlined though instead and they rocked. Disturbed also was there they are better not in person. I did the most ballsy thing i've ever done in my life. This guy was booing System a lot and Ralph and this friend of ours kept trying to start a mosh. So to make him shut up I pushed our friend into him, it looked like a total accident and the guy shut up. Current Mood: exhausted (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 20th, 2006
3:49 am	Last night the rain came. I stood outside and watched the lighting and felt the thunder boom in my heart. Somehow the overhang kept me dry, but i accepted the few drops that hit my face. I didn't feel lonely or scared, I didn't wish for any arms to be around me watching this storm. It was my storm. I didn't feel anything really, I thought about how none of my friends can agree on anything. I thought about how literally nothing happened between me and a friend of mine, which nearly made me sad, but how quickly I learned how bad of an idea it was to mess with friendships like that. I thought about Jason and how we talked for 4 hours straight the night before, I thought about how I haven't seen Phil this summer, and that I might not see him until both if us hold degrees. I thought about Derek flirting with me when I went home and how he performed a wedding for his little sister and that 6 years ago I dreamt Derek would perform my wedding. I think about how very little any of those above things matter to me, but in the past for at least one hour in my life those things mattered to me more then anything. There is no thunder booming in my heart right now, and for once that feels just fine… Current Mood: imperturbable (Comment on this)
Monday, July 10th, 2006
5:56 pm	a parting note from good 'ol Cody Tomorrow morning I will be leaving for Shanghai. The first two weeks I am in China I will teach English to middle-schoolers in Xuzhou. The next two weeks I will be teaching English to Grad students in a city called Shihong. I understand these cities are close to Shanghai (approximately 4 hrs from) but I've never heard of or been to either. I will be traveling with I think 6 teachers initially. Two of them I have known from Seton Hall, and a few of you certainly know them; Christina and her boyfriend Ryan. There is also a Madison schoolteacher named Julie and three more undergrads; Catherine, Mohammed, and David. I hear David speaks some Chinese, and he is the only other than myself that I know of. That should make this trip interesting. ;) Last year I spent the summer in Beijing studying Mandarin. I left to participate in the first year of Harvard's Beijing Academy. It was a tough program in itself, but that was made worse because my first year of Chinese was not intensive and I had to play catch-up while going through the culture shock. I think that this time will be easier though. I feel fairly confident with my Chinese. The largest trouble will be dealing with the different dialects and accents. As long as I can remember I have wanted to understand what it means to be human. I guess I see this as the point of my trip. China in and of itself doesn't matter that much to me. It's a means to an end, and that end is understanding people. Ambitious as it may seem, the point is to try and find out how to be the best person one can possibly be. What does that mean? Heck, I dunno. Anyways, I think it is very easy to try to undervalue our existence based on the experiences we take for granted in our everyday lives. We don't all need to take such drastic trips and journeys to find our truth (just us stubborn, thick-headed ones), but I find that it is experiences like these that sometimes most drastically lay bare those structures that buttress cultural constructs. So, yeah, that's just what all this means to me. Well, I suppose that's it for now. Sorry for the length and blathering on. I love to reflect on this stuff. Sometimes these reflections just get bottled up inside like a cork that's ready to pop and then before you know it, a two page e-mail is born. I will miss all of you back home. Please write. Give me your input and teach me what you know. God bless and I'll see you soon. I'll keep you updated. Please say a prayer for me and my friends. The prospect of this trip makes me a little nervous. Feel free to forward these letters to whomever, or to alert me to someone to add to the list. Some names have not been added simply because I could not find the e-mail addresses. 祝你们一切都好! Sincerely, James Cody Van Hoven (Comment on this)
5:00 am	oh my god I am 18 again. James is Phil and Sean is Gary. ! do i ever learn? But that's ok that means if history repeats itself I will be very happy next week. (yes i know none of you will understand that and i like it that way) (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 9th, 2006
11:09 pm	life is too short for games from the gamers Stupid boys i'll show them I don't need them. I don't actually care I don't think I was ready to date again. He was right. oh and Gratz to Pat and Britt if you don't know why call them now :) Current Mood: determined (2 Comments |Comment on this)